OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
