My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
