im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
