I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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