Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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