I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
