Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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