my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
