my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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