I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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