and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
