i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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