wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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