dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
