Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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