like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
