Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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