Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
