hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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