you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
