I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
