thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
