Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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