why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
