had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
