she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
