Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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