Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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