Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
