Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize