If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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