is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
