I wish I could teleport
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Terrible idea I love it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
