I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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