I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize