..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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