the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
