So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
