Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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