You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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