Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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