i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
