He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I could make wine with my vomit
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
