if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
