Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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