after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
