i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
