I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
40s are totally the cure
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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