Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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