he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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