I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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