If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
