You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
