my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
