Will you blow on my dice?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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