my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
