you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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