Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
