did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have aggressive nipples.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
