I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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