I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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