im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
