This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
