OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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