It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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