So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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